Hitomi Oba - Part 2

For Good Measure, by Ensemble for These Times (E4TT)
Episode 157: Hitomi Oba - Part 2

In this week’s episode, we talk to Hitomi Oba about navigating motherhood, how it has affected her musical career, and her newfound appreciation of time. If you enjoyed today’s conversation and want to know more about Hitomi Oba, check her out here: https://www.hitomioba.com/. This episode was originally recorded in December 2023.

This podcast is made possible in part by a grant from the California Arts Council and generous donors, like you. Want to support For Good Measure and E4TT? Make a tax-deductible donation or sign up for our newsletter, and subscribe to the podcast!

Intro music: “Trifolium” by Gabriela Ortiz, performed by E4TT (Ilana Blumberg, violin; Abigail Monroe, cello; Margaret Halbig, piano),  as part of “Below the Surface: Music by Women Composers,” January 29, 2022
Outro music: “Lake Turkana” by Marcus Norris, performed by E4TT (Margaret Halbig, piano), as part of “Alchemy,” October 15, 2021

Transcription courtesy of Otter.ai.
Buzzsprout: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1903729/episodes/17156191

Producer, Host, and E4TT co-founder: Nanette McGuinness
Co-producer and Audio Engineer: Stephanie M. Neumann
Podcast Cover Art: Brennan Stokes
Interns: Renata Volchinskaya, Sam Mason

Chapters

• 0:22 In this week's episode, we continue our conversation with Hitomi Oba, who we spoke to in December 2023.
• 0:30 Well, speaking of family, I understand you're also a mother... has that affected being a composer and an artist? And if so, how? Other than the obvious one of time!
• 9:14 I was going to ask you about the enriching aspect of the multiplicity of of hats and roles that one can wear as a mother.

Transcript

Nanette McGuinness  00:00

[INTRO MUSIC] Welcome to For Good Measure, an interview series celebrating diverse composers and other creative artists sponsored by a grant from the California Arts Council. I'm Nanette McGuinness, Artistic Executive Director of Ensemble for These Times. In this week's episode, we continue our conversation with Hitomi Oba, who we spoke to in December 2023. [INTRO MUSIC ENDS] Well, speaking of family, I understand you're also a mother. 

Hitomi Oba  00:34

Yeah! [laughs] 

Nanette McGuinness  00:35

So has that affected being a composer and an artist? And if so, how? Other than the obvious one of time! [laughs]

Hitomi Oba  00:43

Time! I was gonna say, time is big. This is such a big topic. And, you know, Nanette, I've been thinking about it more and more, you know, I've, I've only been a parent for five years now, which seems like an eternity, but also seems very short in the time span of things. Yeah. So it's a big topic, and I'm thinking about this, you know, I keep having renewed, big reflections on this. You know, every month or so. Recently, I've been thinking so outside of my own experience, this is related, and that is like the perception of being a mother, you know, I've been thinking about our position of mother within the wider society, right? And that obviously affects us as professionals, and it's just people individuals, but, you know, I'm recognizing the societal biases and like, stereotypes, you know, and how that affects our profession, you know. And it, you know, it still manifests a lot of ways. And I am kind of, like, working in a lot of different spheres, within music, you know, obviously, like academia and like, kind of the more jazz or improv, improvised, you know, oriented scenes. And you know, within that, there are a lot of branches and different scenes and new music such and such. But, yeah, so it manifests in different ways. But you know, I still, you know, just last week, I encountered some, you know, seemingly well-meaning comments that are like, obviously, you know, informed by their biases. And you know, I'm starting to recognize these things more as I'm becoming more aware of them. You know, assumptions that, like, you know, childcare inhibits work and professionalism, you know, which is in other fields too. But you know, I've seen that, how that manifests in my, my spheres, you know, or how, like, once you're a mother, like, that's your identity, you're like, capital M, mother, and it's like, that's your identity, you know? 

Nanette McGuinness  00:46

Yes! 

Hitomi Oba  00:47

And this, my husband is also a musician, and I think just seeing the comparison of how he's perceived and how I'm perceived differently, even though we're in the same profession, and even though we're, you know, both parents, yes, is is. That's been really revealing as well, you know, so not just reading these articles about it, but actually experiencing it and noticing these things more, yeah, but I think because I'm becoming more aware, I've been, you know, a little more wary, and also trying to preemptively counter them, maybe subconsciously. I'm trying to work through, like, a healthy balance of not being as bothered, [laughs] but also trying to counter it, you know, you know. So, yeah, it's been a it's been that's been interesting, you know, just kind of, how do we function within the society and how do they perceive us? But, yeah, but, you know, separate from that, you know, I've also been appreciating, like, more empathy for the situation too, you know, and like, that's important as well, right? So not just, not just kind of biases, but also like acknowledgement of, like family policies, you know, challenges that affect our profession in particular, you know, like child care challenges and such a financial demands, you know, so like, acknowledgement of those things by others has been, you know, I've been appreciating that as well. So think talking to a lot of people has been helping. But, you know, just in terms of being a parent, though, so logistically, 

Nanette McGuinness  04:00

[laughs] 

Hitomi Oba  04:01

Oh, yeah, it's so different. It's very difficult. You know, you know you've shared it's very difficult. Like, your capacity for time and your capacity for energy and mental, you know, mental and emotional capacity is like, I start to feel like the limits of that, yeah, and just being tired affects everything, right? And, you know, I think when I became a parent, it was like everyone kind of like, joke about the tired thing and, like, you know, tired things like, but it's like...

Nanette McGuinness  04:30

It's real! [laughs] 

Hitomi Oba  04:31

It's real! It's very serious, and it affects things like, you know, across the board, creativity, functionality, you know, relationships, like everything. So I mean, logistically, it's been difficult, but I think because of that, I've gotten that like I feel like I've ranked up in terms of maturity...

Nanette McGuinness  04:53

Yes! 

Hitomi Oba  04:54

...and professionalism. So, you know, dedicate being able to write our especially our practice requires us to be so dedicated and focused.

Nanette McGuinness  05:01

Yeah.

Hitomi Oba  05:02

So in terms of, like, just being, yeah, present as well, I think it's, it's necessitated that, and I appreciate that element, you know, just being a lot more present. And, you know, in the moment, because that's all you're gonna get, you know? [laughs] So that's been, I've been grateful for that, you know, where, yeah, as a human, it's been really enriching. Obviously, you know, it's just, I feel like my I'm talking about capacity, like, capacity for emotions, and I brought up empathy, and just like, you know, depth of experience for things, I've also become more observant, you know, of everything. Feel like I have new perceptions and worldviews every day, which is really important for someone whose, you know, job it is to be imaginative, right? 

Nanette McGuinness  05:02

Right, right. 

Hitomi Oba  05:02

You know, it requires, like, hyper-focus, hyper, yeah, prioritization and, you know, compartmentalizing the ability to be present, like wholly present. And has been, you know, it's a necessity. And so I've gotten better at that, for sure, you know, to be like, I'm, I can't wait for inspiration. Like, I can't, you know, it's like, yes, we're, you know, focus, focus now, and because it's now or never. 

Nanette McGuinness  06:21

Yes. 

Hitomi Oba  06:21

Our job is to imagine things. And so having more worldviews and, you know, ways of perceiving things is just... it's a gift. It's very enriching, you know? 

Nanette McGuinness  06:31

Yeah! 

Hitomi Oba  06:32

Capacity to feel more things. [laughs] And like, I realized recently, cause like, "Oh, I haven't been this intensely involved with another person since I was a baby, probably a baby with my own mother." Right? 

Nanette McGuinness  06:44

Right.

Hitomi Oba  06:44

So getting that intimate and having to see their perception, you know, at that level, is it's a...that's it's an amazing thing too, yeah.

Nanette McGuinness  06:55

Right! Because they're experiencing everything for the very first time, kind of like seeing that from someone else's perspective, yeah, and, and you get a whole new vision of what the world really is like, which is very cool. 

Hitomi Oba  07:11

It's very cool. Yeah, you get to do it again a little bit, but from from a different angle, yeah, yeah. It's an amazing thing. Um, yeah. So I think, I think, like I said, the beginning, it's, it's, I've become able to remember present, but also, like, a little more centered. [laughs] I feel like I have a little more core, like, strength, a little bit now, and meaning, you know, yeah, meaning, like, priorities have changed, you know, like, what's important, what's really important. I feel like I'm examining, reexamining that constantly now, and it feels less elusive, I think so, yeah, values, priorities, you know, all of those things, and then in turn, then when you have that, it's easier to do things with renewed appreciation, right? Like I used to feel like guilty, you know, for doing one thing, like East, you know, when I was younger, it'd be like, I'm practicing saxophone, so I'm not practicing piano. Or, you know, now it might be like, you know, I'm spending time doing even when they were, you know, I first became a parent, used to be like, oh, you know, like, I should be spending this time with this baby who's not going to be a baby for very long, you know, every second I should be enjoying and like wholly absorbed, but then, you know, I also feel like, but I'm not composing right now, and, you know, I'm not practicing, and, you know, making the most of my musical...imagination. But I think now I have two kids. You know, I'm less time I'm less sleep deprived now and so less negative lately. I think I've been able to, when I'm in a good place, I'm able to frame it now, like I said, with renewed depression, to be like, Oh, I'm grateful. I think I'm able to frame things a little more with gratitude now, to be like, I'm so grateful for this time I have right now to compose because I know I'm not going to have this hour later. [laughs] And then, you know, when I'm with my children, it's like, "Oh, I get, get to interact with them right now." And you know, they're in they were in preschool earlier. I couldn't see her, but now I'm able to spend this very special time with him.

Nanette McGuinness  09:13

I was going to ask you about the enriching aspect of the multiplicity of of hats and roles that one can wear as a mother.

Hitomi Oba  09:24

Absolutely, yeah, you mentioned, like, you say, like wearing different hats. I feel like each of those things, you know, like I said before, sometimes, you know, mothers tend to be capped as, like, one sort of identity, but kind of being able to recognize that there are multiple facets, and that I can be grateful when I'm engaging with any one of those has been a more recent kind of realization and way of being so, you know, when I'm composing, I'm able to say I'm so grateful to be able to do this, to have this in my life, you know, to be able to compose, what, what a fortunate thing I'm you know, have. Then when I interact with my children, it's like, well, you know, I'm so grateful to be able to have this, you know, I'm not going to always have this, you know, now, yeah, yeah. So being able to grateful for that. And then, you know, if I'm driving in the car or, you know, just washing dishes, and I have a moment to myself being like, "Wow, I'm so grateful for this time I have myself," you know, it's just like or interacting with students like I'm grateful for this interaction. So, I think when I'm in a good space of mind, you know, and I'm not too tired, and I'm able to kind of flip flip it to look at like that, then everything you know, the multiplicity you know, everything that I have I can be more grateful for because and that I can be more present for, therefore, you know, and appreciate all the different elements. Instead of feeling guilty that I'm, you know, one is taking over the other, you know, feeling like they're competing elements of my life.

Nanette McGuinness  10:53

From my perspective, society has become a little bit a little bit better at accepting mothers who do other things. It just wasn't as accepted when I was coming up, but at the same time, I totally relate to what you're talking about, because there were always people who were not my child who would want to call me mom, you know, "Let's have Mom come over here" and I'm like, "What?"

Hitomi Oba  11:21

I know I can so relate. Yeah, you know, I agree. I feel like, for instance, my students generation, the college students, they understand these things so much better.

Nanette McGuinness  11:30

They do.

Hitomi Oba  11:30

You know, on a deeper level, it's more matter of fact to them, you know, and they understand kind of the, you know, historical inequities and such. So I appreciate, I appreciate that it's encouraging when I am in certain spirit, like you said, it's a lot better and much more understanding in certain spheres. Like I just played a recent gig where there weren't as many people, you know, maybe, who were exposed to, and it was still, it still felt like, Oh, this feels a little bit, you know, old school.  

Nanette McGuinness  11:59

Judgy. 

Hitomi Oba  12:00

A little more judgy, not understanding, yeah, not seeing the picture. Yeah.

Nanette McGuinness  12:04

[OUTRO MUSIC] Thank you for listening to For Good Measure and a special thank you to our guest, Hitomi Oba, for joining us today. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to our podcast by clicking on the subscribe button, and support us by sharing it with your friends, posting about it on social media, and leaving us a rating and a review. To learn more about E4TT, our concert season online and in the Bay Area, or to make a tax-deductible donation, please visit us at e4tt.org. This podcast is made possible in part by a grant from the California Arts Council and generous donors like you. For Good Measure is produced by Nanette McGuinness and Ensemble for These Times and design by Brennan Stokes, with special thanks to co-producer and audio engineer Stephanie M. Neumann. Remember to keep supporting equity in the arts and tune in next week "for good measure." [OUTRO MUSIC ENDS]